Andrew Stephen’s Hot Off The Habbin article in the match programme for the CUFC v Salford match on 21st March 2026.
“I used to think trees were dirty because when I was a kid in Salford, you’d climb them and come off filthy’ it was like you’d been up a chimney.”
John Cooper Clarke.
Of course Salford has changed beyond recognition since Ewan McColl grew up there and the world described in the Pogues “Dirty Old Town”, played at each home game, belies the gentrification which has taken place in what was once the poorest part of Manchester. Now there are BBC studios, museums, hotels and luxury houses. I’m not sure what Lowry would have made of the transformation. His paintings would certainly have been less interesting in such an aspirational world. Salford Quays has experienced the same kind of transformation experienced by Salford City in very recent years. Having experienced a Great Escape of their own some years ago while still very much in Non-League, they were bought by a clutch of former Manchester United stars and achieved league status not long afterwards. They have been in League Two for six successive seasons now, always eager to make the next step but, so far, without success.
The owning group are fronted by Phil Neville and David Beckham. A number of managers have been tried and big purchases made. It would be true to say that the Ammies, a nickname based on their former status as Amateurs, have lofty ambitions which have so far eluded them. Having said that, our record against them is lamentable. Five games against them have seen one win and four defeats. Our 0-0 draw there earlier this season was described as one of the dreariest ever seen at their remote ground but better for us than losing 4-0, which we have done twice. Before the last game, I was invited to write a few notes for the Salford Fanzine, in which I tried to explain that, although we were much better than the previous season, we had contrived to lose to a dreadful Bristol Rovers team and undermined some fine performances with what the press called “Defensive lapses.” We had also played well at Fulham and destroyed a Luton team in a performance which gave Pelly Ruddock huge pleasure. We were a bit of an enigma.
Since then we have been much more consistent and our performance against Gillingham showed how far we’ve come. We were dominant and aggressive throughout. Kai Kai and Knight are frightening defences and our defence is mean and competitive. If we’d had Jake Eastwood in goal last season, I’m sure that we wouldn’t have gone down. And now Kouassi and Mayor are back from injury for the run in. I look forward to the extra variation Mayor will bring, as well as the great physical threat of Kouassi. He will bring the best out of Appare, Nevitt too. The last few games of any season are always hard fought and this will be no exception. United are playing for each other, competing hard and expecting to score. However the season ends, it has been a real pleasure watching United this year. Whatever the result, Salford will know they’ve been in a game. If we can beat them, perhaps they would help us even more by beating M K Dons. Perhaps that’s a lot to ask!
Andrew Stephen